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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27142411">Turn Back Time.</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/HONGCULTZ/pseuds/HONGCULTZ'>HONGCULTZ</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>ATEEZ (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst with Sad Ending, Depictions of Death, M/M, theres a lot of death, this is really sad idk, yeosang is jonghos angel, yk a lot of sad feelings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 21:20:50</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,318</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27142411</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/HONGCULTZ/pseuds/HONGCULTZ</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“I remember meeting Yunho. He was so annoyingly cheerful that it rubbed off on me in the long run.” Jongho chuckled quietly to himself, and Yeosang placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. </p>
<p>“I miss Yunho. He was always kind to me.” A pang hit Jongho in the heart. He knew that as soon as he woke up, he wouldn’t be with Yeosang anymore. He wasn’t sure that he was ready to let go yet, let go of the pain and the guilt that wracked his body.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Choi Jongho/Kang Yeosang, Jeong Yunho/Song Mingi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Turn Back Time.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>you caught me, i was sad again. </p>
<p>⚠️ TRIGGER WARNING ⚠️<br/>this story heavily implies on grief, major death scenes and suicide. if these topics bother you, please do not read this.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p>A blinding light forced Jongho’s eyes closed until it dimmed. A hand covered his face as he shied from what had blinded him. It was over momentarily, and he uncovered his eyes and observed his surroundings. He was standing in a white room, still in his pajamas from the night before. Confused, he inspected the room, feet padding gently against the cool white tiles. There was no one here...yet the hairs on his neck stood tall and firm. He felt...<em> watched.  </em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Good evening, Jongho.” The boy whipped his head around, and there stood what looked like his dead boyfriend Yeosang. He was dressed head to toe in white sleepwear, he almost blended completely into the walls save for his honey coloured skin. This couldn’t be real, Yeosang had been dead for a year now. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It is real, Jongho.” <em> No, no I must be dreaming. I miss him so much that I’m dreaming about him again. </em>Yeosang gave Jongho a pitiful smile and outstretched his hand for the younger to take, which he did. His hand was warm, surprisingly so. For a dead man, Yeosang radiated warmth as bright as the sun. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Come, sit. We have much to discuss.” Gently, his lover brought him to sit on the floor and Jongho sighed quietly. It was just like old times, Yeosang was always so gentle with him, often braiding his hair as they cuddled and leaving butterfly kisses along his face. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Why don’t we talk about the good old days?” Before Jongho could respond, he was whimsically whisked away to a field of flowers. There, a little boy with his parents waddled along the path through the flowers, babbling quietly as he smiled up towards his mother and father. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hey- that looks a lot like-“ He was cut off by Yeosang before he could finish speaking. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You and your parents? It is.” Why was he showing Jongho his childhood? There was nothing special about it. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> “Momma! Lookie!” Baby Jongho smiled toothily as he held up a wad of wildflowers for her. His mother took the flowers from his hand and smiled.  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> “These are so beautiful, Jjong! You have an eye for flowers!” Baby Jongho giggled brightly and took both of his parents hands as they continued on their trip.  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> He remembered, finally. It was his fourth birthday, and he was dead set on frolicking in the field for the whole day. This was before his horrible allergies made a significant change of course.  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> Jongho could practically feel the gentle breeze tickling him through his thin pajamas. He would be cold if not for Yeosang’s warm presence. He could smell the saccharine scent of nectar in the air, paired with petrichor from nights before. The sun felt pleasant against his cool skin, warming him from above as he fell backwards to lay in the field contentedly.  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That was a beautiful memory. You looked so happy, Jjong.” Jongho blinked, and they were in a playground on the swingset. It was drizzling quietly, and the sun had retreated behind the gloomy clouds. He already missed the shine it gave him. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> On the swingset next to the pair, a young boy about ten sat with frown on his face as he kicked the mulch that blanketed the playset. Jongho couldn’t tell if the wetness in his eyes was from the rain or his own tears. Before he could figure it out, a little boy ran right outside and onto the swingset with a toothy grin.  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> “Hi!! My name is Yunho! What’s your name? You have pretty hair, can I touch it??” He was dressed head to toe in soft colours, yellow and pink. He was already taller than the boy that sat in the swing next to him.  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> “...Jongho.” The child spoke as he lifted his head to look at Yunho. The boy smiled brightly and went in to touch his hair. Child Jongho winced, and then melted into the sweet head pats that Yunho gave him. The little boy was much like a puppy, he had more energy than the child that had been sitting on the swingset for so long that he was drenched head to toe from the rain.  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I remember meeting Yunho. He was so annoyingly cheerful that it rubbed off on me in the long run.” Jongho chuckled quietly to himself, and Yeosang placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I miss Yunho. He was always kind to me.” A pang hit Jongho in the heart. He knew that as soon as he woke up, he wouldn’t be with Yeosang anymore. He wasn’t sure that he was ready to let go yet, let go of the pain and the guilt that wracked his body. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Thus, Jongho was whisked to a classroom, with Yunho sitting next to a teenaged version of him. They snickered and giggled together, whispering jokes to one another during the lesson. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> “Jongho-ya! Pay attention, I’ll not repeat myself.” He flinched at his teacher’s shrill voice, nodding quickly and bowing his head to scribble notes on his paper. Yunho suppressed a giggle beside him as he began focusing on writing his own set of particularly illegible notes that only he could understand.  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> Once the lesson was over, Teenage Jongho had to keep Yunho restrained so that he wouldn’t randomly go ask both boys and girls on a date. No one could know he was bisexual, they were still homophobic and it was 2016. Whilst Teenage Jongho was busy keeping a tight leash on Yunho, he failed to notice that everyone had left class but the pair and another person.  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> As he drew his eyes upon the person, he thought he had been struck by angels. The boy had pretty chocolate hair and even darker eyes. A few splotches dotted his left eye, and he simply had the softest face Teenage Jongho had ever seen. ‘Twas almost as if it were love at first sight. The young boy noticed the pair staring at him, and hustled out the door with a flush on his cheeks.  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> “Wait!” He called out, and rushed towards the door to chase after the boy with Yunho in tow. They hurried in his footsteps until Yunho caught up and introduced himself rather boisterously.  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> “Hi! I’m Yunho! You are very pretty, can I shake your hand?” Yunho hadn’t a filter at all when he forgot to take his medicine, but it seemed endearing to the boy for he was blatantly honest as well.  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> “Ah, sure. I’m Yeosang..and who are you?” Teenaged Jongho blushed and spoke up.  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> “My name is Jongho.”  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It was love at first sight for me. What about you, Jjong?” Jongho nodded in agreement. Yeosang was his other half, his twin flame. From that day on, the trio did everything, including living in the same dorm during college with Yunho and his boyfriend Mingi. It soon turned into a foursome and a whole group of them. The new members were Seonghwa, Hongjoong, San, and Wooyoung. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“These memories are nice...but why are you showing me them?” Jongho asked quizzically, to which Yeosang shook his head and brought him to the next scene. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“To remind you that all life is precious, yours especially.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> The next scene was dreary. Jongho was in his favourite pleather coat, with Yeosang in tow. They were late for their reservation at their favourite restaurant. Jongho had hidden a box in his pocket with a sly smile as he pulled Yeosang out the door and onto his motorcycle.  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> “We’ll be there soon babe! Hang on!” He turned to kiss Yeosang sweetly before securing both of their helmets and set off for the restaurant. The boy in the back held onto Jongho’s muscular waist tightly, watching as the buildings zoomed past them.  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Wait, wait, wait. Stop! I don’t want to see this, please Yeosang.” Jongho forced his eyes shut and buried his head in his hands whilst a burning eruption of anxiety washed its way through his body. The sense of dread and impending doom was too much for him to bear. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It has already happened. Don’t be scared, you’re safe with me.” Yeosang’s quiet reassurance had Jongho watching the scene unfold with his eyes peeking out from between his long fingers. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> They were racing along the streets, winding in and out from the cars that were slower than them. Unfortunately, Jongho was too caught up in his own anxious thoughts about how he was going to tell Yeosang how he felt to see that a semi was blitzing next to him.  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> It was over in less than a minute. </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> Jongho was thrown from his bike and flew into a street pole, watching in horror as Yeosang alone was hit by the semi at full force, knocking him completely unconscious. He could barely keep his eyes open..he was so tired. And then he woke up.  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> Jongho sat beside Yeosang’s bed, running his fingers through the boy’s fluffy blonde hair as tears rolled down his cheeks in small rivulets. It was his fault that he was laying like this, thoughts in his head no longer.  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> “I’m so sorry Yeosang, I’m so sorry.” Jongho sniffled quietly, and pulled a box from the jacket he was wearing that day, opening it to reveal a simple silver band with the date they began their relationship carved into it.  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> “We’ll get married, I promise.” He whispered quietly whilst he slid the cold metal onto Yeosang’s left ring finger.  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> That wedding never came.  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> A week later, Kang Yeosang was pronounced dead at midnight, October the twenty-fourth. Grief consumed Jongho’s being entirely. He lost everything that day. The only person that kept him going was Yunho. He couldn’t just leave his best friend alone. But he wasn’t the same.  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You- you <em> proposed </em>to me?” Tears filled Yeosang’s eyes as he imagined what could have been between the couple. Jongho had broken down in tears beside him, hands ripping the hair out of his head. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It’s all my fault, why aren’t you blaming me?” He rocked back and forth with his knees hugged close to his body. Why couldn’t Yeosang just hate him? He killed him, for God’s sake!</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> Jongho was never the same. He stopped eating, stopped sleeping, stopped going to the gym or completing his botany lessons. He rarely left his room, never showered. All he did was sit in the dark and dissociate. All he could do was lay in his bed and let the sobs that burst from his chest wreak havoc on his body.  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> He was a shell of himself.  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> In an effort to relieve the pain, Jongho began playing with razors and scratching himself until he bled. A repeat of the events played over and over again in his head like a broken cassette tape. Yeosang’s skull crunching against the pavement, his body crushing at the force behind the metal wall that hit him, how he began bleeding out in the middle of the road while Jongho fell unconscious on the sidewalk.  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> And suddenly, everything was okay.  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Please make it stop, I can’t do this anymore!” He was in complete breakdown mode as Yeosang held him against his warm chest. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It’s okay baby, I’m here. I’m here. I won’t leave you again. But you have to watch until the end, can you do that for me?” His sweet voice coaxed a nod from Jongho, as he watched the scene change to an immaculately manicured room, without a speck of dust to be seen in sight. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> “Aaand, done!” Jongho smiled to himself as he sealed the last letter and stamped it shut with a waxy flower seal on top. He finally felt free for once in his life. The young man stood up, and left his room to slide two letters underneath Mingi and Yunho’s shared room, before bouncing off to give the rest to his other friends in the apartment next to theirs.  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> Three knocks was all it took for Seonghwa to fling the door open in a sleep induced haze.  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> “Good morning, Hwa-Hyung! I have these letters for the four of you, but you need to promise not to open them until exactly midnight tomorrow! I have a big surprise and not opening them until then would be great!” Seonghwa blinked twice.  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> “Uh..sure. Jjong, are you okay?”  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> “Yeah, I think I’m finally ready to move on. The guilt is all gone, thanks to my therapist.” Jongho smiled towards Seonghwa, and bid him goodbye until dinner. His day was relatively cheerful, having finally been able to break down his walls for once. Everyone was happy for him, that he finally felt like he could move on and live a fulfilling life without Yeosang by his side.  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> It was eleven thirty. Jongho’s eyes cracked open as a sense of calm washed over him. The boy sighed quietly, and sat up from his bed. It was time.  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> Silently as he could, Jongho slid his slippers on and made his way to the roof with one unsealed letter in the breast of his pajama shirt. He swung his legs through the railing atop the building and shivered at the Autumn nip in the air.  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> The sky in Seoul was always pretty to him. The stars twinkled above as he checked the clock. Five minutes to midnight. Jongho slipped past the railing and stood against the edge of the building.  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> “I’m coming home Yeosang, don’t you worry.”  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> He jumped. A sense of blissful euphoria filled his senses as he closed his eyes.  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> At midnight, October the twenty-fourth, Choi Jongho committed suicide.  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> At one minute before midnight, Yunho rushed out of the door in nothing but a robe and thin pajama pants as he desperately ran to the roof of the building.  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> At midnight, Jeong Yunho watched his best friend Choi Jongho leap to his demise.  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> On October the twenty-seventh, Yunho and his friends laid Jongho to rest next to his betrothed, Kang Yeosang.  </em>
</p>
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